Saturday, November 24, 2012

A different sort of before baby bucket list

My alternative pre-baby bucket list inspired by the latest at #Mmia ... a more affordable and realistic preparation for the clucky couple:

1. Visit a MacDonalds at around 6pm. Don't sit in the "nice" section. Instead head straight for the tables near the playground. It will be instructive.
2. Rather than testing your relationship with the hardships of international air travel, try this: set an alarm to goes off every 25 minutes and hand your partner ear plugs. See how well you get along in the morning.
3. Cook a meal, nothing too fancy but one that is sure to suit the bland palate of the everychild. Then throw it in the bin and start again. Do this five nights in a row (on the 6th night you may find yourself heading to MacDonalds).
4. Get up at 5am. Spend the day doing something physically and emotionally exhausting while completely isolated from the outside world. At 7:30pm sit down on the couch with your partner and put on a romantic comedy. And set a loud alarm to go off at 7:35pm. Get the alarm a glass of water, lie down in bed with it and fall asleeep. Ask your partner about the movie in the morning. Try not to let your bitterness show.
5. Pick up the contents of your home and tip them all over the floor. Leave it like that for a few weeks.

You might now be ready for parenthood.


8 comments:

  1. I would add - talk to your partner about their thoughts on having children, preferrably sometime prior to bringing the baby home.

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  2. SO SO many things to add.

    Got to the shops with one hand tied behind your back. Drop your purse all over the floor and hold on to something else like grim death in case it runs away while attempting to pick up the contents of your purse with your teeth.

    Hang up on your friends mid-sentence every single time they call you.

    Mess up your wardrobe and shove everything back in without consideration. Then try to get dressed from in there.

    Watch everyone else drink red wine at dinner and have none for a year.

    Forget to wear a bra and go to work all day.

    Wear your crocs to coffee with your most stylish mates.

    Promise your partner 'cuddle' and collapse on the couch, and renege, night after night after night after night.

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    1. This! Can we turn this into an ebook? I love your list.

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  3. Or, just for fun, have all this stuff planned for WHEN you'll have a baby and find you need thousands and thousands of dollars of expensive and fraught medical treatment to MAYBE conceive.

    You want to know how well you and your partner get along? Try both of you knowing you might be depriving him of the chance of a child. Try him having to drive you to blood draws at 6am every day for three weeks whilst you sob because of the hormones racing through you whilst you clutch a massive stomach engorged with liquid you're retaining because your ovaries are enlarged and then have it not work. Try him having to get the incredibly blunt needle into your entirely bruised belly because you've only got one dose of the medication to make you ovulate at the end of 37 needles to grow the follicles and you can't get it into another needle. And then you both end up on the floor sobbing and apologizing to each other - him because he's hurt you and you because feel incredible guilt for putting him through this.

    No sleep and diarrhea? You must be kidding me.

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    Replies
    1. Oh Keri. I am sorry. I completely agree that lack of sleep and the other 'hardships' are nothing on what you have been through, they are just part and parcel of parenting.
      Michelle

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  4. Ours this morning was V all offers of assistance and conciliation with the little one endlessly screaming that she didn't want him, she wanted Mum. I must stop this comment right now, as another screaming meltdown has just ensue.

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